


Losing Yourself

by littlebluewhalen



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Oneshot, Side Effects, cons of being heroes, slight AU, their costumes and abilities are Better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 03:57:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21047915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebluewhalen/pseuds/littlebluewhalen
Summary: Ladybug and Chat Noir have a talk and the depths of their bond is explored. Fluffy friendship goodness.





	Losing Yourself

It started a year after they’d had their Miraculouses. The akuma attacks were picking up frequency – in what Marinette assumed was desperation of Hawkwmoth’s end – so they were using their powers more frequently. Of course, that brought up the question that haunted her in the back of her mind, ‘does he have a deadline?’, but that was neither here nor there. Marinette was becoming just as much Ladybug as she was Marinette nowadays, which she had mixed feelings about.

Marinette liked being herself. She liked her life; her parents loved her immensely, she had great friends, she did alright in school. She had a passion, goals, and a future. Marinette was sweet and caring; she could also be kind of confident, if she put her heart forward.  
Ladybug was cool and collected, confident, but not without endless compassion. She liked being Ladybug too, don’t get it twisted; but being a hero was intensely demanding. She was constantly tired and sore due to the akuma attacks, her grades were suffering from her lack of sleep, and her relationships with people seemed to slowly suffer as she always had to make excuses and leave. She consistently wondered if this is why the superheroes in movies were always alone. 

Despite all of this, she would never be able to give it up, she knew that; in the last almost two years, she had gone through the stages of heroism. Fear at not being good enough, rejection to the position, resentment at Fu and Tikki for bestowing this upon her, and finally, acceptance. She could give it up if she wanted it to, but who else would do it? Who could do it? Not only that, but did she even want to give up this freedom? The feel of the Parisian air as it glossed over her face as she swung from building to building, free falling and catching herself, the adrenaline of the fight? The purpose that her life now held, her responsibility that was so much bigger than she ever thought possible, the love from the people she saved?

And the people she saved – her friends, family, even just strangers – their lives were worth any inconvenience that being Ladybug brought her. And, well, she did bask in it just a little bit – the anonymity that the mask gave her allowed her to be just a little bit more herself, the version of herself in which no one had any personal connection to, and no expectations. Aside from saving the day, of course – and aside from her only friend when she was in the mask, Chat Noir.

Ah, Chat…. Her partner in justice, best friend and loyal confidant. Marinette bitterly remembered the days in which she refused to talk to him outside of anything work-related, choosing to see him as a coworker instead of anything personal. But there’s only so many times you can almost die with someone by your side before you realize that, yeah okay, maybe you care for him a little bit.  
It started slowly, gradually; he would always want to talk, but never pushed her to. Sometimes he would ramble on about his day, his dad or anything bothering him; she supposed he felt safe with her because she didn’t know who he was. He never said anything too revealing, but just enough for Marinette to start to understand who he was under the mask; because he was a person, with feelings and family and friends just like her, and she’d never bothered to ask him how he felt about all of this hero business. 

So she started to indulge him, and quickly they became more than partners in ass-kicking; they became partners in nearly every sense of the word. When one of her designs got rejected from a showcase, she showed up at patrol with steely silence. All he said was, ‘what happened, bugaboo?’ and suddenly she was fighting angry, disappointed tears in his arms. He was so much more than just her coworker.  
Which is why, when all of this transformative stuff started happening, she texted him almost immediately.

/

**Miraculous Bugaboo**: Chat, are you around? I have to ask you something.  
**Chaton**: of course, my Lady! u know I always have time to ‘*chat*’ with u. :D  
**Miraculous Bugaboo**: Oh, you know what? Never mind. That was awful and I’ve reached my pun quota for the day.  
**Chaton**: wait, no, come back! i’m just kitten around, Bug!  
**Miraculous Bugaboo**: Bye.  
**Chaton**: hahaha, i’ll stop. but seriously – are you okay?  
**Miraculous Bugaboo**: I’m just… feeling weird, right now. Are you available to meet up?  
**Chaton**: i’m in the middle of something with my dad :( I should be done in about an hour and a half if u want to plan a meeting place?  
**Miraculous Bugaboo**: That’s fine. How about 8:00 pm, museum rooftop?  
**Chaton**: the honor is mine, my Lady. See u then !

/

Marinette sighed as she laid back on her bed, tossing her phone lightly to her side. She and Chat had the brilliant idea to make accounts on a messaging app and give each other their codes to add each other – this way they could still hide their identities, but also talk whenever they needed the other. Which, she’s come to realize, has become entirely casual conversation between friends – but she didn’t mind as much anymore. When you’re with someone for the better part of your week, every week, for about two years, you’re bound to become friends. Best friends. 

“What’s the matter, Marinette?” Tikki asked lightly, zooming in front of her chosen’s face. Marinette sighed again.

“Just the side effects, Tikki. They’ve seemed to grow stronger…. Sometimes they’re helpful, but this adjusting to better vision and having compound vision outside of the mask makes my head hurt, and it’s hard to adjust to.” She said, rubbing her temples. Tikki nodded in understanding. 

“There have always been Miraculous holders, but… since Hawkmoth has had control of the butterfly miraculous, there’s been a more constant need for the ladybug and cat miraculouses, now more than ever. Believe it or not, the miraculouses weren’t supposed to be used as often as you and Chat Noir use them – the Miraculous holders would only need to transform when really big, out-of-the-ordinary events occurred. That’s how they remained obscure, legendary almost.” Tikki explained. Marinette nodded.

“So, what you’re saying is that the more that Chat and I use our powers, the more… side effects happen?” She clarified. Tikki nodded sympathetically.  
“Yes, I’m afraid so, and it happens with all Miraculous. It can be a blessing and a curse. It is strongest and happens the quickest with the Ladybug and Chat miraculouses, however, as they are the most powerful of the miraculouses.”  
Marinette nodded again and rubbed her eyes. She glanced at her clock, which read 6:45.

“Time isn’t moving fast enough for me,” she complained, “want to go to our meetup a little bit early?” Marinette asked, eyes moving to her tiny floating friend. Tikki smiled, knowing that Marinette craved the outdoors.

“Sure thing, Marinette.”

/

Marinette breathed deeply, relishing the feeling of fresh air in her lungs. It was midsummer, her favorite time of the year (aside from the start of springtime). She could smell the flowers surrounding the museum, feel the pollen wafting on the summer breeze, see the colors all around her. Ladybug settled herself on the edge of the rooftop, stretching her legs out. She had watched the night sky set a few minutes ago as she ran long the skyline, jumping from rooftop to rooftop, before settling on the museum. Ladybug turned her attention towards the sky, looking at all of the stars afforded to her. She felt contented, a small smile slipping its way onto her face. She stayed like that for a few moments, contemplating the universe and waiting for her dearest friend.  
Her antennae twitched before she heard anything, and she looked over her shoulder as her best friend slipped right behind her, a Cheshire grin adorning his face. She nodded once and turned towards the sky again.

“I can never surprise you anymore, Bugaboo.” He said lowly, not wishing to disrupt the peace of the night, settling down beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist and squeezing her lightly before retracting his arm. She smiled wider, still looking at the sky.

“Thank the upgrades.” She joked, nudging him with her shoulder. He chuckled quietly. 

“So, what’s on your mind?” He asked, eyes turning towards the sky with her. His cat ears twitched as he heard a sigh escape her lips. 

“I’m just… wondering how you deal with the side effects. Like, in your civilian life.” She said, bright blue eyes flicking over to him. Chat paused and took a moment to genuinely think about her question. His side effects had come on stronger and quicker than hers, though neither of them knew why; they assumed it was because the side effects of being a cat were more known and potent than that of a ladybug; they were less subtle. 

“Ah, well, it’s mainly about resisting the urges. You know, like when I want to go sit in a box, or build a nest out of blankets, or when more serious things happen… like being territorial, or purring, hissing or… any of that stuff. Sometimes it slips out, but I just kind of… make excuses. I’m not sure, honestly.” Chat said, his claws coming up to scratch the back of his head. Chat changed position to turn his body fully towards her; his right leg was on the ledge with his arms wrapped around it. He set his head on his knee, looking fully towards her, his left leg casually dangling off the ledge. His tail swished in contentment behind him, occasionally tapping Ladybug’s back. Ladybug nodded and frowned slightly, rolling her shoulders to stretch, and leaning back on her hands, tilting her head to the side to look back at Chat. He gave her a sympathetic smile.

“It takes some getting used to. But once you do, you’ll know how to deal with it. I am curious, though, ma cherie, what are Ladybug’s side effects?” He asked simply.

“Well, it’s… not anything as obvious as being a cat, that’s for sure. It’s more like…. I always want to be outside or be near plants. And, well, I guess as far as powers go… oh, this is so gross, but I can make this kind of toxic slime? And my eyesight is so weird… it’s compounded, like a bug’s, and I was used to that as Ladybug, but now it’s happening in my daily life and it’s giving me headaches until I adjust to it, I guess. I can cling to stuff, like you can, and you already know about the antennae… but I’m also hungry all the time, and aphids look so appetizing.” Ladybug finished in a huff, embarrassed of her grosser traits. She looked down at the ground now, cheeks red, eyes roving over the green of the plants just below her. 

“What are aphids?” her partner asked confusedly, and Ladybug groaned and buried her face in her hands. 

“They’re like…. tiny little worms. Ladybugs eat them.” She explained, hoping he didn’t hear her through the muffling her hands created. But oh, he heard. She knew he heard as soon as she felt his body shift. She dared a peek through her hands and was mortified to see a grin out in full-force.

“You, my lovely, beautiful little Lady, want to eat bugs?” He clarified, grinning like a madman. Her groan of annoyance was enough confirmation for him, and he came closer to her side, nearly cuddling her. 

“Well, if that’s what the lady wants.” Chat snickered in her ear, and before she could smack him in realization of what he was doing, he was gone. 

“Chat! Get back here!” She yelled into the night, knowing that with his improved hearing he’d be able to hear her. He couldn’t have gotten far away; he just blended in so well with the night that it’d be hard to track him down. So she waited, the wings on her back shuffling in annoyance, feeling silly over the whole thing. It was only moments until Chat bounded up beside her again. He cocked his head at her and she removed her hands from her face to glare at him, ignoring how undoubtedly adorable he was, looking at her like that. She almost didn’t notice what he had in his hands. Almost. 

“Chat, ew!” She squealed as he stalked towards her, his fangs poking out as he beamed. 

“What? I got you an exquisite spread, My Lady.” He joked, laying the leaves out on the rooftop. Her nose and lips curled in disgust, but she moved closer, slowly, looking at everything he got. There were multiple leaves from various different plants around the museum, along with a tulip. And then she spotted them: tiny, little wriggling worms, crawling over the leaf of the tulip. Her eyes widened and she subconsciously licked her lips, crawling and nearer and nearer to the tulip.

‘It wouldn’t hurt, right? To just try it once? Maman is always telling me to try new things, after all… keep an open mind…’  
And with her total focus on the aphid, her curiosity won over and put all of her senses onto watching it, stalking and then…

Chat stumbled back as she dove suddenly onto the tulip, his eyes wide in shock. He had been watching her of course, her body language looked exactly like a cat stalking prey, but he didn’t think she’d actually go for it. He had stayed as still as possible, not wanting to disturb her as she descended on her prey.  
He watched in total awe and admiration and Ladybug captured a swath of aphids on her tongue and swallowed them down, going back to nibble a little on the leaf where they were, then chewing a bit on the tulip petals, eventually sticking her mouth in the center of the flower and gently licking pollen off of its stem. 

‘Yeah, this is the girl I fell in love with.’ Chat’s mouth was dropped open in shock, but the scene was so ridiculous, he was soon grinning ear to ear and before he could stop himself, he burst into a fit of laughter. This seemed to bring Ladybug back to her senses, body going rigid as her blue eyes flitted over to Chat’s form.

She could NOT believe that she had just done that. And in front of Chat, no less! He’d have material to make fun of her for the rest of their lives!  
She pushed the smorgasbord of leaves away from her with a huff, glaring murderously at her partner as he held the sides of his stomach and continued to laugh. He was on his side on the ground, choking out laughter and trying to catch his breath.

“Are you done?” Ladybug asked rudely, embarrassment and anger lacing her tone. She sat cross-legged on the roof where she stood, face turned pointedly away from him, arms crossed under her chest. After a few gasping breaths, and a few coughs, Chat nodded and crawled over to her. He snickered as she pushed his face away with her hand, rejecting his apology cuddles.

“Come on, Ladybug, I wasn’t trying to be mean, it just caught me off guard!” He whined, sitting next to her with his ears back, pouting, his pupils going wide in his attempt at a ‘kitten face’. She glared at him from her position on the roof and flipped him off. He sighed and flopped onto his side next to her. 

“Aw come on, Bugaboo. You know I don’t care what your little… ladybug tendencies are like. You know I’d never care if you ate bugs all the time. It comes with our powers. No sense in not having a laugh about it, it’s not like we can do much else.” He said, rolling onto his side to face her. She rolled her eyes at him, and instead of admitting that he was right in some aspects, she booped his nose. He reeled back slightly, eyes and pupils wide in alarm and shook his head.

She laughed lightly, reaching out to ruffle his hair. He smiled gently at her, his green eyes softening. She gently laid onto her back to look up at the stars once again. After a few tranquil moments of silence, he scooted ever closer to her, and in the same instant, she rolled on her side to speak to him more directly, and they were nose to nose. She simply smiled. She had gotten used to being so close to him long ago; she supposed that she didn’t mind, because she trusted him implicitly, without even a shadow of a doubt. He smiled toothily at her, his fangs poking out. She took the moment to observe him; his hair was shaved around the sides and wild on top, his cat ears became more functional, his jaw had become squared - his baby face seemed to have melted away. His shoulders were broader, and he had a lot of muscle rippling through the leather she noticed as she roved over his body. His tail had become more than a belt, as well; it was connected to his suit, so it swished and moved on its own like a cat’s. He could also use it to swing or to hold things, like a monkey’s, in a pinch. His shoes had claws attached to them, so he could really shred an enemy if he had to. Her eyes moved back to his face, his eyes, and realized they held the same warmth they always had. The eyes that comforted her in her times of need, annoyed her beyond reason, and grounded her against all else. 

“I just wonder…” she trailed off, eyes moving to the ground between them. She propped her head up on her hand as her other one traced nonsense shapes into the ground. Chat observed her quietly, his ears perking up, the smile slipping off of his face. He stayed quiet as she tried to collect her thoughts. 

“Well… Tikki said that not every Miraculous holder wielded the powers as much as we do,” she paused, looking at him, “rather, they didn’t transform as often. Usually only in times of magical crisis or dire need. Of course, there were some holders that faced constant threats as much as we do, but…” she paused again and he nodded, encouraging her to go on, “they also were adults. We’re the first teenagers to be Miraculous holders. And I can’t help but wonder why. I wonder if Fu knows that we’re going to be needed for a long time, so he needed to start our powers early, or what. But I also wonder if the side effects are too much. Like are they just going to get stronger and stronger? What if we become more Ladybug and Chat Noir than our real selves? I feel like… the more powers I uncover, the stronger they get… Like I just ate a worm, Chaton! And I didn’t even realize what I was doing – it’s like I zoned out and I forgot everything about being human. It just scares me sometimes. I love being heroes, and I love being Ladybug, but… we have lives too, you know?” Marinette finished quickly, wanting to get her rambling over with. She felt silly, sharing all of these conspiracy theories. They both laid back on their backs, looking up at the sky. Her hands covered her face again, embarrassment creeping back up her neck. There was a beat of silence as Chat processed everything she said. 

“So… you think we’re on some kind of timer?” He asked, before seeing that her face was covered. He smiled softly. Everything she did was so endearing. “Hey, come on,” he called softly, grabbing one of her hands and putting it in his, trying to be comforting. He smoothed his thumb over the back of her hand. She looked at him and nodded. He chewed his lip in thought as he looked over her.

“Well, even if we are… we’ll figure it out. We probably should hurry up in taking down Hawkmoth though, if that’s the case… I can’t beat him as an actual cat,” He joked lightly, squeezing her hand, “I’ve been thinking for a little while that we should take more time to do research and try to narrow down who he is. Put more effort into it, anyway.” He said. She nodded, her hand slipping from her face. 

“Yeah, I agree. We need to make, like, an actual plan.” She said. 

“But… your theories make sense. I’ve kind of been feeling it too. Maybe we should ask Fu about it sometime – not that he’d give us any straight answers.” Chat suggested. Ladybug agreed, and then rolled towards him, landing with her face buried in his chest. His ears perked up in alarm and he chuckled as a blush filled his face. 

“Thank you, Chaton. Je t’aime.” She mumbled into his chest. And if he didn’t have cat ears, he’d never heard her. But his heart stilled until happiness filled his entire being, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and back, squeezing her tight. He buried his face in her hair and laid a kiss on top of her head. His tail wrapped itself around their legs unconsciously.  
It wasn’t the first time she’d said that to him, and he knew that she meant it in a deeply platonic way, but the fact that she felt comfortable enough with him to tell him that meant the world to him. He always said it back, because he would never miss an opportunity to tell her how he felt, platonic, romantically or otherwise. 

“I love you too, bug.” He said fondly, squeezing her slightly. They had a moment to themselves, on top of this museum, being entirely themselves in the quiet of the night, with nothing to see except the stars.  
Breaking their moment, Chat suddenly – but gently – lifted his Lady up and rolled over slightly, so that he was on his back and she was settled on top of him. She put her head on her arms and looked at him questioningly. A mischievous grin appeared on his face. 

“Seems like our lives are turning out to be more Madoka Magica rather than Sailor Moon, huh?” He asked jokingly, knowing that his anime references bugged her almost as much as his puns – only because she understood nearly all of them. Her face fell flat and she attempted to roll off of him, only to have his strong arms come up and lock her in.  
“Admit it, Ladybug – you’re Madoka and I’m Homura. Our lives are tragic, inevitable, but at least we’ve got each other.” Marinette appreciated the sentiment, but she’d never let him know that. Besides – she wouldn’t want himself sacrificing himself for her, ever. Instead of expressing any of this, she simply flicked him on the nose, and escaped his clutches in his surprise. She stood, dusted herself off and looked down at him. 

“I think you’re more of a Kyubeyy type instead of Homura. An annoying, destructive cat.” Ladybug teased, smiling at him tauntingly as she walked to the edge of the roof, stepping onto the ledge, her wings spreading. 

“My Lady, you wound me every day,” He said, sitting up and stretching his back. She rolled her eyes a him then stuck her tongue out before walking off the edge and swinging away. 

/

Marinette checked her phone as she plopped back onto her bed. It was 10:00 at night now, so she needed to get ready for bed. 

**Chaton**: lmk when u wanna go to Fu’s!  
**Chaton**: gn lady, next time I’ll get u better bugs :b <3

Marinette rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless.

**Miraculous Bugaboo**: Thanks, Chat. I’ll let you know.  
**Miraculous Bugaboo**: P.S.- if you show up with bugs next time we see each other, I WILL shove them down your throat.  
**Miraculous Bugaboo**: goodnight!


End file.
